Make Your Heart Smile.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away -  The Invitation by Oriah The past week I've been struggling with managing my temper; mainly, living and being in reaction to loved ones. I must admit, I have certainly progressed in this area: spoke what's on my mind and was able to uncover what was in my heart, but not without an attitude. As I think about what has sustained me, anger and sadness has taken up a huge space in my heart. While I am loving, it is not without walls and conditions- this in and of itself, is limiting.  I'm feisty, quick-witted, quick-mouthed, and for years, kept a huge distance between myself in others in various ways. Last year, I found out- being intimidating, intense really limited the way I wanted to be with people. I wanted to be loved. Instead, I was received as heavy, bossy, controlling, intense- surely, someone who needed a hug a...

A close loved one of mine has been infected with HIV for over 15 years. To honor her, I've been participating in the AIDS walk for a few years. This year, I wanted to build a team of support - to frame a picture with the certificate of completion. This past Sunday, five friends joined me to make that happen. We walked 6.2 miles amongst the 30,000 others for the cause. My loved one struggles with mattering- often neglecting her well-being until it's almost too late. It's been painful to watch someone be depressed, suffer from addictions and allow her circumstances to define the life she was leading. It leads her. I'll never know what it's like to be infected. I do remember when I was told. I was fifteen years old.  I cried. I didn't know how to process that information. Nobody was able to comfort me. So, I educated myself. I learned about the ELISA test- a diagnostic tool used to screen HIV, all of the potential opportunistic infections and watched Philadelph...

It feels wonderful to be writing this blog, again. It's been an eventful few months, most particularly from April until now.  I feel inclined to share what's on my heart and the lessons that lessen the growing pains I've been experiencing. I will be 30 on September 27th of this year- the past year has been about self-examination, cultivating a closer relationship with God, and getting clear on my vision. In other words, a rite of passage to womanhood- (there are things one can't get away with anymore). I am someone who wants to play a big game- this is often people's experience of me that I am driven and have a "special" quality. (I'm all heart).  But, in the past few months, I've shown up ungrateful, with a righteous attitude and have lost a few people because of it. While the toxicity is gone, I still know deep down that circumstances could have been handled more maturely and kindly.  Personal integrity is something I am working on fo...

In the past month, I am so grateful to have mentored teens ages 12-17 to help explore relevant issues for  their age groups and co-faciliate power groups that allow for topics like communication, relationships, and school/home life.   I went in with the intention to source authenticity- and boy, were they some amazing teachers!! Young leaders taking a stand for themselves brought me back to an age where I was overwhelmed with very adult issues and struggled until recently with expressing myself. Last Monday, I had a breakthrough in front of a room of about thirty teens, and ten adults and shared a very personal experience from the Summer of 2013. In that moment, I experienced myself as authentic- without a story, with tears flowing from my eyes knowing that sharing my own brush with life could impact others and set myself free. And so, I shared unexpectedly- and in that, I was set free from the shame, guilt and judgement I had of myself and was able to forgive. So, t...

The month of January has proved to be so full and rich for me. 2014 looks promising. 2014 is promising. Although, there are many opportunities that are arising, my writing and spirituality has become a daily pursuit and endeavor that has grounded me. Last year, with a great big push from loved ones, I pushed myself to do spoken word. After my third time this past Saturday, I am growing more comfortable and uncomfortable with showing up vulnerable in front of strangers. The beauty of poetry- of speaking my words is that I am sharing myself with strangers, and after it is over, they have become friends.  In some ways, I am a stranger to myself- (although I am clear that I am strange, in fact, I embrace it ;) ).  This journey of self- discovery is amazing because I walk daily with God.  The illusion of separateness is just that, an illusion.  If you were to ask me last year if I thought I'd smile like this, I would've laughed.  But,...

It's the end of an era: Victim of circumstance,  No more.  The errors of my ways, made me who I am.  Today. I look up and walk ahead, proudly. It's an end of an era:  Victim of circumstance,  No more.  Patience and virtue, walk with me. On the road ahead lies,  No lies. But,  Truth in all forms: The hummingbird's song.  The whistling trees that whisper,  "I am here. I'll be here." In times of doubt, and uncertainty,  I was always guided.  Those whom I confide,  say, "come out of hiding. It's okay to be who you are, unafraid." So, I laugh. I run wild and free.  Through the grass, barefoot.  and say: "It's an end of an era: I've handled my circumstances."

Experience has gotten me out of my head.  When you step out, it’s really powerful! How much time do we spend in our own heads, a place that is so comforting but is as empty as a loft space with no heating and cracked windows. Rats are roaming the floors yet there a hint of light shine through the cracks. If this were a home renovation (which it is), I would be able to envision the possibility. There are possibilities for my mind: it’s a matter of rearranging furniture. Radical compassion is working!   I find myself  trusting in and seeking God.  What you seek, you will find; it has shown up in fellowship and service of others.  I am accepting of my flaws, clear about my strengths, and what I want to contribute to the world.  I believe in familial curses as much as blessings. I believe throughout the generations, the hope is that each one will improve upon the last. (Obviously, that’s not always the case). For years, I have struggl...