Make Your Heart Smile.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away -  The Invitation by Oriah The past week I've been struggling with managing my temper; mainly, living and being in reaction to loved ones. I must admit, I have certainly progressed in this area: spoke what's on my mind and was able to uncover what was in my heart, but not without an attitude. As I think about what has sustained me, anger and sadness has taken up a huge space in my heart. While I am loving, it is not without walls and conditions- this in and of itself, is limiting.  I'm feisty, quick-witted, quick-mouthed, and for years, kept a huge distance between myself in others in various ways. Last year, I found out- being intimidating, intense really limited the way I wanted to be with people. I wanted to be loved. Instead, I was received as heavy, bossy, controlling, intense- surely, someone who needed a hug a...

A close loved one of mine has been infected with HIV for over 15 years. To honor her, I've been participating in the AIDS walk for a few years. This year, I wanted to build a team of support - to frame a picture with the certificate of completion. This past Sunday, five friends joined me to make that happen. We walked 6.2 miles amongst the 30,000 others for the cause. My loved one struggles with mattering- often neglecting her well-being until it's almost too late. It's been painful to watch someone be depressed, suffer from addictions and allow her circumstances to define the life she was leading. It leads her. I'll never know what it's like to be infected. I do remember when I was told. I was fifteen years old.  I cried. I didn't know how to process that information. Nobody was able to comfort me. So, I educated myself. I learned about the ELISA test- a diagnostic tool used to screen HIV, all of the potential opportunistic infections and watched Philadelph...

It feels wonderful to be writing this blog, again. It's been an eventful few months, most particularly from April until now.  I feel inclined to share what's on my heart and the lessons that lessen the growing pains I've been experiencing. I will be 30 on September 27th of this year- the past year has been about self-examination, cultivating a closer relationship with God, and getting clear on my vision. In other words, a rite of passage to womanhood- (there are things one can't get away with anymore). I am someone who wants to play a big game- this is often people's experience of me that I am driven and have a "special" quality. (I'm all heart).  But, in the past few months, I've shown up ungrateful, with a righteous attitude and have lost a few people because of it. While the toxicity is gone, I still know deep down that circumstances could have been handled more maturely and kindly.  Personal integrity is something I am working on fo...