Make Your Heart Smile.

It feels wonderful to be writing this blog, again. It's been an eventful few months, most particularly from April until now.  I feel inclined to share what's on my heart and the lessons that lessen the growing pains I've been experiencing. I will be 30 on September 27th of this year- the past year has been about self-examination, cultivating a closer relationship with God, and getting clear on my vision. In other words, a rite of passage to womanhood- (there are things one can't get away with anymore). I am someone who wants to play a big game- this is often people's experience of me that I am driven and have a "special" quality. (I'm all heart).  But, in the past few months, I've shown up ungrateful, with a righteous attitude and have lost a few people because of it. While the toxicity is gone, I still know deep down that circumstances could have been handled more maturely and kindly.  Personal integrity is something I am working on fo...

In the past month, I am so grateful to have mentored teens ages 12-17 to help explore relevant issues for  their age groups and co-faciliate power groups that allow for topics like communication, relationships, and school/home life.   I went in with the intention to source authenticity- and boy, were they some amazing teachers!! Young leaders taking a stand for themselves brought me back to an age where I was overwhelmed with very adult issues and struggled until recently with expressing myself. Last Monday, I had a breakthrough in front of a room of about thirty teens, and ten adults and shared a very personal experience from the Summer of 2013. In that moment, I experienced myself as authentic- without a story, with tears flowing from my eyes knowing that sharing my own brush with life could impact others and set myself free. And so, I shared unexpectedly- and in that, I was set free from the shame, guilt and judgement I had of myself and was able to forgive. So, t...

The month of January has proved to be so full and rich for me. 2014 looks promising. 2014 is promising. Although, there are many opportunities that are arising, my writing and spirituality has become a daily pursuit and endeavor that has grounded me. Last year, with a great big push from loved ones, I pushed myself to do spoken word. After my third time this past Saturday, I am growing more comfortable and uncomfortable with showing up vulnerable in front of strangers. The beauty of poetry- of speaking my words is that I am sharing myself with strangers, and after it is over, they have become friends.  In some ways, I am a stranger to myself- (although I am clear that I am strange, in fact, I embrace it ;) ).  This journey of self- discovery is amazing because I walk daily with God.  The illusion of separateness is just that, an illusion.  If you were to ask me last year if I thought I'd smile like this, I would've laughed.  But,...

It's the end of an era: Victim of circumstance,  No more.  The errors of my ways, made me who I am.  Today. I look up and walk ahead, proudly. It's an end of an era:  Victim of circumstance,  No more.  Patience and virtue, walk with me. On the road ahead lies,  No lies. But,  Truth in all forms: The hummingbird's song.  The whistling trees that whisper,  "I am here. I'll be here." In times of doubt, and uncertainty,  I was always guided.  Those whom I confide,  say, "come out of hiding. It's okay to be who you are, unafraid." So, I laugh. I run wild and free.  Through the grass, barefoot.  and say: "It's an end of an era: I've handled my circumstances."

Experience has gotten me out of my head.  When you step out, it’s really powerful! How much time do we spend in our own heads, a place that is so comforting but is as empty as a loft space with no heating and cracked windows. Rats are roaming the floors yet there a hint of light shine through the cracks. If this were a home renovation (which it is), I would be able to envision the possibility. There are possibilities for my mind: it’s a matter of rearranging furniture. Radical compassion is working!   I find myself  trusting in and seeking God.  What you seek, you will find; it has shown up in fellowship and service of others.  I am accepting of my flaws, clear about my strengths, and what I want to contribute to the world.  I believe in familial curses as much as blessings. I believe throughout the generations, the hope is that each one will improve upon the last. (Obviously, that’s not always the case). For years, I have struggl...

 I began 2013 taking the bull by the horns, with the strong intention that it would be "the best year yet." It most certainly has been for many reasons, just not in the way I thought it would. I've grown spiritually, mentally, and physically. Emotionally? I was in for a rude awakening. Why? After being armed and ready, willing to stretch and actually accomplish my goals, the pendulum swung back and forth, and it ALL fell apart. There were months I cried daily. There were months when my inner child was wailing in pain, walking in circles, not knowing what to do next. I didn't believe it would ever go away. It wasn't until an almost death scare, succumbing to illness, and losing everything, that I have found myself. It has been scary to observe, experience and actually BE with myself. To be with my pain. I've lost friendships in which people held up the mirror, and I truly began to see how I have been showing up in the world (in many cases, ho...

I haven't felt like myself in months. As I've allowed myself to dig a little deeper (and be more specific), I noticed that I 've completely stopped writing my blogs. How can you have your blog called "Make Your Heart Smile?" when you haven't been smiling. Although this wasn't a conscious thought, I know my feelings have been getting in the way. I'll admit the focus has been on me-- while that may not sound like the worst thing in the world, it has been extremely uncomfortable, unnerving, but necessary.  One close frend of mine encouraged me a few times to "just be with it." Well, what does that mean? When my adrenaline is pumping, my emotions are doing the driving. Other's have offered "You can do it!" type of feedback. Especially when I had been lamenting over school. Most of the time, I would find relief and comfort in their words, but something was missing. When this feeling arises, indeed, it's always a choice. Y...