Make Your Heart Smile.

 I began 2013 taking the bull by the horns, with the strong intention that it would be "the best year yet." It most certainly has been for many reasons, just not in the way I thought it would. I've grown spiritually, mentally, and physically. Emotionally? I was in for a rude awakening. Why? After being armed and ready, willing to stretch and actually accomplish my goals, the pendulum swung back and forth, and it ALL fell apart. There were months I cried daily. There were months when my inner child was wailing in pain, walking in circles, not knowing what to do next. I didn't believe it would ever go away. It wasn't until an almost death scare, succumbing to illness, and losing everything, that I have found myself. It has been scary to observe, experience and actually BE with myself. To be with my pain. I've lost friendships in which people held up the mirror, and I truly began to see how I have been showing up in the world (in many cases, ho

I haven't felt like myself in months. As I've allowed myself to dig a little deeper (and be more specific), I noticed that I 've completely stopped writing my blogs. How can you have your blog called "Make Your Heart Smile?" when you haven't been smiling. Although this wasn't a conscious thought, I know my feelings have been getting in the way. I'll admit the focus has been on me-- while that may not sound like the worst thing in the world, it has been extremely uncomfortable, unnerving, but necessary.  One close frend of mine encouraged me a few times to "just be with it." Well, what does that mean? When my adrenaline is pumping, my emotions are doing the driving. Other's have offered "You can do it!" type of feedback. Especially when I had been lamenting over school. Most of the time, I would find relief and comfort in their words, but something was missing. When this feeling arises, indeed, it's always a choice. Y

I embrace life's highest possibilities, celebrating a new loving relationship, with..... ::drum roll:::: Writing!  It's funny, really. Everyone who knows me personally, knows that I am a writer. They see and think that I love to write!  Well, I hate to burst that bubble, but I didn't.  Writing, was arduous work. As someone who lives in her head, the act of writing would send me into a  civil war with:  1) the act of sitting still  2) the ability to strive for perfection 3) desperation to connect with an audience You see, I always wrote for me. Writing was the outlet when my world seemed dark and gloomy. When I had no friends, my journal carried me through. Confronting these fears/blockages and embracing that I am an artist, has helped me to change this paradigm.  It is said that a good writer is an avid reader, well, I am not.  To have strong command of language, the ability to say things descriptively, well, I am overt.  T

Whatever it took, we signed up, to win. Living by our word, what a journey it's been. Sometimes unwilling, sometimes unsure. Will we come together? What are we doing this for? Beyond what we wanted or what was right, beyond all our feelings, both day and night. Broke down. weekly. Broke through Weekly. As we near the end, embracing life's possibilities, the uncertainty of tomorrow. We stand, United. WE ARE LT90!!!!

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable- Philippians 4:8  On this beautiful Sunday morning, I am overwhelmed with gratitude.  Over the past three months, I have been confronting many things that have held me back, or, as I interpret it, taking up unnecessary space in my life.   It's just like cleaning up your hard-drive on your computer. Performance will be slow if there is too much operating at once, or, if your disk-space is full. Life is like this, too. Outside circumstances, people's opinions, and the outside pressures would handle me. I'd create and re-create this experience, time and time, again. Guess what? I've had enough.  There is a certain peace and flow that is able to be created. Balance. By putting myself first, I am getting less lost in the process because I trust the process.  Like the saying goes, "All Good things come to an end," I'd change

"Do you think you can handle the little kids?" The NY Cares Team leader asked me as I was writing my name tag.     "Absolutely," I responded. As I sat down at the small table of four---a library of books, tiny cubbies, and the sight of about a dozen oversized adults in tiny chairs surrounded me.       "Who's up for a challenge?" Naturally, my eyebrows raised.      "There's a hyperactive boy with a short attention span. Would anyone be willing to work with him?" My hand raised, automatically. (It seems to do that a lot lately).       "He has a lot of energy. Let us know if you need assistance." * * * *  He ran into the room like the tasmanian devil. He spun in circles and zoomed right passed me.     "What's your name?"       "D-E-N-S-KY." His eager eyes looked up at me.  His smile reminded me of when you watch someone bite into the best grilled cheese sandwich.

Hello, there! It's the start of another week. After a weekend of strong family and friend connection, I am spent.  The 49er's lost :( I am in one funky mood. I don't want to do anything. After starting school last week, not even that excites me. ( I am in awesome classes, too). In all honesty, I have this feeling I just need to to get away for a few days, in the hot sun, alone. There's something about nature that soothes me, unlike anything else. With that said, in all of this funk-a-dilly-ocious-ness, there is choice. Clearly, something is not working. Today, I choose to connect and reflect on what is and what's not working and recommit to make one choice today to forward myself. I will focus on all the beautiful things that were created over this weekend, connection  and celebration of family and friendship. As someone who comes from a HUGE family, it's a beautiful thing to witness another generation grow up and connect. In the spirit of lea

This is my bucket full of journals. Of all my possessions, they are the most priceless . It's contents,   Me. Below is a poem written almost thirteen years ago:  2/8/2000. "Why is Love so Complicated"  Love has no definition  Or any types of premonitions Love comes directly from your heart It hurts like hell when it has to part  Love does cause pain But Love is a gift that has to be exchanged  Love makes you crazed that you feel like your constantly in a daze It makes your heart skip a 1000 beats You feel like dancing in the streets Love does have a wicked side  Your mind is constantly in a tide  Your heart may ache  But there's no medicines to take Love begins with hello and ends in goodbye Love makes you laugh ad it makes you cry Love is so complicated but that's the best part Knowing you have no control over your heart.  I am happy to share that I have still retained some of my romantic sensibility (plenty of m

My hands are shaking as I am going through pieces of old writing. I declared that THIS is THE year. For what, exactly? To plow ahead, and get published!! (Actually, I declared this in July. The huevos just grew) It's amazing what your body stores and experiences. Lucky for me, I have some handy-dandy grounding techniques that are allowing me to stay, in this moment. I have denied this calling of mine for a long time. Not anymore, Not anymore. Stay tuned. I will be blogging about the experiences. Xoxo, Erika

Hello Readers! I ask you to connect to the picture below for a few moments. Remember her?  Rogue: the powerhouse from  X-Men. She had the ability to absorb the memories, physical strength and remove the specialities of almost anyone she touches.  Sounds pretty cool, right?  Well, the storyline built around her is that she needed to avoid all physical contact until she gained full control over her power. It affected her romantic relationship with Gambit. Imagine not being able to hug or show affection because you could kill another human being?  In moments of desperation, Rogue turned to Professor X to seek help to control her powers. It took a while for her to be accepted; it was the persistence and the compassion of Professor X to allow the others to give her a chance.  In many ways, I truly connect with her character. This wave of nostalgia joined me when my best friend randomly said, "Omg- E! You are soooo Rogue. You internalize everything!" (at lea

This song is very special to me. It reminds me of the Summer 2012. This summer was a time of healing. I began a very special journey of experiential learning that allowed me to break free from all of the emotional scars and create space for joy and possibility. In short, I owned myself. By "own," I am referring to radical acceptance, forgiveness and showing myself the same compassion I have bestowed upon others. Life's a roller coaster ride. As someone who used to be afraid and scream on them (literally), I embrace them. Trust the process, Trust the process, Trust the process. OWN IT. With unconditional love, E

http://youtu.be/rLLzkLO8Sh4

This morning, I found myself at Central Park at 5:30AM to meet with several members of my team for an hour. Manhattan is so peaceful at this time. Being the first to arrive was a stretch for me; the cab driver nervously let me off the side of 5th Ave, afraid I was going to enter the park, alone. "Don't worry, Sir. I know better," I replied. There are nice people in this world. The air was so crisp. The birds were beginning to sing. The vibrant early risers were out jogging or walking in the park. "That's dedication," I thought to myself. The rest of my team arrived. We were tired. We were connected. We were bold. Serenity is something so often overlooked (especially in this City). In my experience, I find that it is crucial to my well-being to practice quietness in order to remain stress-free.