Skip to main content

I look forward...

 I began 2013 taking the bull by the horns, with the strong intention that it would be "the best year yet."

It most certainly has been for many reasons, just not in the way I thought it would.

I've grown spiritually, mentally, and physically.

Emotionally? I was in for a rude awakening.

Why? After being armed and ready, willing to stretch and actually accomplish my goals, the pendulum swung back and forth, and it ALL fell apart.

There were months I cried daily. There were months when my inner child was wailing in pain, walking in circles, not knowing what to do next. I didn't believe it would ever go away.

It wasn't until an almost death scare, succumbing to illness, and losing everything, that I have found myself.

It has been scary to observe, experience and actually BE with myself. To be with my pain.

I've lost friendships in which people held up the mirror, and I truly began to see how I have been showing up in the world (in many cases, how I haven't been present).

Rather than fight, I surrender.

I surrender to the burdens that are not my own, to the myths and beliefs that do not serve me, and I've finally been able to feel free.

 True freedom is peace and connectedness to God, my higher self, who knows it's time to be patient and unlearn and choose a different path.

I am very blessed, humbled and graced because I am trusting the process.

I am trusting in God that I am right where I am, and get to choose differently.

All of my dreams, my passion and vigor for life, have been dormant, and as they begin to surface, I look forward to creating.

I look forward to changing my relationships with time, money, energy, God, myself, my family and friends. I look forward to the responsibility of the outcomes.

I look forward to being a role model to my nephews, to my nieces, to my brothers and my sister, to my father, and I look forward to altering the relationship with my mother.

I embrace forgiveness, the time it takes to heal properly. I look forward to wholeness.

I look forward, I stand strong. I am grounded, connected, open, powerful and urgent.

With Love,

Erika

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Me, Myself and Rogue.

Hello Readers! I ask you to connect to the picture below for a few moments. Remember her?  Rogue: the powerhouse from  X-Men. She had the ability to absorb the memories, physical strength and remove the specialities of almost anyone she touches.  Sounds pretty cool, right?  Well, the storyline built around her is that she needed to avoid all physical contact until she gained full control over her power. It affected her romantic relationship with Gambit. Imagine not being able to hug or show affection because you could kill another human being?  In moments of desperation, Rogue turned to Professor X to seek help to control her powers. It took a while for her to be accepted; it was the persistence and the compassion of Professor X to allow the others to give her a chance.  In many ways, I truly connect with her character. This wave of nostalgia joined me when my best friend randomly said, "Omg- E! You are soooo Rogue. You internalize everything!" (at lea
3 comments
Read more

Today, I Choose.

I usually not a fan of roller-coasters, but I sure do enjoy the ride. (Or at least, now I do)  The past year and a half has been radically about getting to know myself. After long romantic relationships, challenging family relationships, I chose to move to a location where others accessible but not within close proximity. I was afraid at first, but it has been such a blessing and a gift for me.  I have moved four times in two years and I am close to moving again, yes, for the fifth time. It may seem that I am crazy, but this won't be my last move. While the process may seem annoying, from my own unique perspective, it is opportunistic for several reasons:  1. We accumulate a lot of stuff- so I am constantly in a state of reassessing my belongings, my clothes, and also, my relationships.  2. We are creatures of movement- While it is good to settle down, I used to be so afraid of this idea. I wouldn't even hang anything on the walls. I'd say to the place
2 comments
Read more

AIDS WALK 2014

A close loved one of mine has been infected with HIV for over 15 years. To honor her, I've been participating in the AIDS walk for a few years. This year, I wanted to build a team of support - to frame a picture with the certificate of completion. This past Sunday, five friends joined me to make that happen. We walked 6.2 miles amongst the 30,000 others for the cause. My loved one struggles with mattering- often neglecting her well-being until it's almost too late. It's been painful to watch someone be depressed, suffer from addictions and allow her circumstances to define the life she was leading. It leads her. I'll never know what it's like to be infected. I do remember when I was told. I was fifteen years old.  I cried. I didn't know how to process that information. Nobody was able to comfort me. So, I educated myself. I learned about the ELISA test- a diagnostic tool used to screen HIV, all of the potential opportunistic infections and watched Philadelph
1 comment
Read more