Make Your Heart Smile.

30 has kicked my ass- but, a radical year of transformation, forgiveness, acceptance full of teachers, lessons, students and now, I am happy to the leave the fucker behind. Here's what I walk away with, in few words, but photos.  My cousins are and will always be my best friends. Their children? my homies.  Embrace being the outsider, but always know, you belong somewhere.  Explore where you grew up- experience nostalgia fully, find beauty everywhere.  Never be afraid to stretch yourself past wherever you thought you could.  Celebrate all walks of life.  High school brought me my best friends.  Look up more!  Have a best friend who is stronger than you, pushes you and reminds you how truly special you are.  Celebrate and cherish love.  Be silly.  God, Divine has always and will always protect me.  Forgive. Learn to be a daughter....

On September 11, 2001-  I was almost seventeen years old, a senior in highschool and was living in the Bronx with my father. That morning he had promised to drive me to school, making my one hour commute much easier for me.  In the morning, he had a change of heart and decided to take back his offer; Naturally, I wasn't having it. I argued, cried, screamed and pleaded with my father, pulling the Catholic Italian guilt I knew until finally he gave in. I was in my second class, and it was during this ten minute news announcement that we got word that the planes crashed into the towers. To my dismay, I called my father who was trying to get into the city.  Again, I screamed, cried and pleaded for him to go home, and he listened. On this day, I think of my dad and I because it was my relentless teenage spirit that forced him to avoid traveling to Manhattan on this day. I like to think my intuition knew and protected him from traveling. I think of my fighting spirit that...

Wow, it's been a minute since I've written it this blog. My life has transformed from dark period where I couldn't smile for about eight months to one where smiles and laughter dominate my life. Depression and Anxiety are real. They were the undertone of my existence throughout my 20's, I was hospitalized twice. Through intensive Cognitive Behavioral and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, I've learned to be Now,  fully transparent with my emotions, honoring them, and improving my self-care daily. I've become a Reiki 1 (soon to be Reiki 2) practitioner, trained in bodywork, a singer, writing, and pursuing whatever creative outlet supports healing and transformation. My support system is AMAZING.  I will take a moment here to give some shout outs because without these people, I would not be able to be okay today. My family: My Dad, Titi Sandy & Aunt Diane- were my Dream Team for almost two years. Thank you for the mix of TLC, tough- love and ALL...

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away -  The Invitation by Oriah The past week I've been struggling with managing my temper; mainly, living and being in reaction to loved ones. I must admit, I have certainly progressed in this area: spoke what's on my mind and was able to uncover what was in my heart, but not without an attitude. As I think about what has sustained me, anger and sadness has taken up a huge space in my heart. While I am loving, it is not without walls and conditions- this in and of itself, is limiting.  I'm feisty, quick-witted, quick-mouthed, and for years, kept a huge distance between myself in others in various ways. Last year, I found out- being intimidating, intense really limited the way I wanted to be with people. I wanted to be loved. Instead, I was received as heavy, bossy, controlling, intense- surely, someone who needed a hug a...

A close loved one of mine has been infected with HIV for over 15 years. To honor her, I've been participating in the AIDS walk for a few years. This year, I wanted to build a team of support - to frame a picture with the certificate of completion. This past Sunday, five friends joined me to make that happen. We walked 6.2 miles amongst the 30,000 others for the cause. My loved one struggles with mattering- often neglecting her well-being until it's almost too late. It's been painful to watch someone be depressed, suffer from addictions and allow her circumstances to define the life she was leading. It leads her. I'll never know what it's like to be infected. I do remember when I was told. I was fifteen years old.  I cried. I didn't know how to process that information. Nobody was able to comfort me. So, I educated myself. I learned about the ELISA test- a diagnostic tool used to screen HIV, all of the potential opportunistic infections and watched Philadelph...

It feels wonderful to be writing this blog, again. It's been an eventful few months, most particularly from April until now.  I feel inclined to share what's on my heart and the lessons that lessen the growing pains I've been experiencing. I will be 30 on September 27th of this year- the past year has been about self-examination, cultivating a closer relationship with God, and getting clear on my vision. In other words, a rite of passage to womanhood- (there are things one can't get away with anymore). I am someone who wants to play a big game- this is often people's experience of me that I am driven and have a "special" quality. (I'm all heart).  But, in the past few months, I've shown up ungrateful, with a righteous attitude and have lost a few people because of it. While the toxicity is gone, I still know deep down that circumstances could have been handled more maturely and kindly.  Personal integrity is something I am working on fo...

In the past month, I am so grateful to have mentored teens ages 12-17 to help explore relevant issues for  their age groups and co-faciliate power groups that allow for topics like communication, relationships, and school/home life.   I went in with the intention to source authenticity- and boy, were they some amazing teachers!! Young leaders taking a stand for themselves brought me back to an age where I was overwhelmed with very adult issues and struggled until recently with expressing myself. Last Monday, I had a breakthrough in front of a room of about thirty teens, and ten adults and shared a very personal experience from the Summer of 2013. In that moment, I experienced myself as authentic- without a story, with tears flowing from my eyes knowing that sharing my own brush with life could impact others and set myself free. And so, I shared unexpectedly- and in that, I was set free from the shame, guilt and judgement I had of myself and was able to forgive. So, t...